today, i thought of many things

i've got this sudden urge to express my feelings. how? i hate talking to anyone,anybody.right now. in fact, i've been like this for some time. no idea why and i hope i won't be like this forever. i see one my close friend online, but i didnt even bother to double click on tat name and chat with her. I just do not have the will and mood to do such a simple thing. i lead a terrible life at the moment. i think i like to be alone. damn.

1. i just saw a picture of a girl featured in style arena.she resembles alot like my EX-beautician and i thought she moved to japan. i almost shivered when i saw that picture. my beautician scares me and the last time i saw her, we were not on good terms. full stop and the end.

2. i read a book by murakami. norweigian wood. it can totally relate to the book. but i experience a really weird feeling after reading it. wonder why. is it because i think im like naoko? i think so. i like books like these, those that leaves me thinking alot.of random things.

3.realized that i've been thinking too much for every single thing to do. when i was little, it never occured to me that i would have to think so much before talking to a person even. i wish i was 10 again. innocent and naive. or maybe 12. that year was good too. back then, i could and ABLE to express and say whatever that came to my mind to my FRIENDS. right now, i just couldn't do it. there's a barrier. somehow. and im worried the barrier will get stronger and stronger each year.

4. i am so scared that, joe and i will be separated one day. we sort of "grew" up together. i spent my entire secondary school life with him. during that duration, i had something to fall on, someting to hold on to, like a pillar when i face difficulties. i am afraid that, once we are no longer together, i won't be able to face people normally and live life normally. im too dependent i would say. it's always HIM to talk to.about my problems.everything. perhaps tat's why i never bothered sharing my feelings with my friends.

5. will i ever come back here and write another post? because this is just too sudden. i might even forget that i have a BLOGSPOT.com the following day. we'll see. =) at the moment, i don't think i will tell anyone about this. i have become way too much of a private person as i got older. hopefully, i will be able to open up more through this way. i hope.