the past 9 days is like a test for me. it was also the time where i learned to appreciate and realize alot of things. anyone would've said it was unlucky, but im grateful, glad that i'm alright and not suffering like many others who could've suffered far worse than me. glad that i'm able to learn, experience and take things in a positive manner. im thankful.

mom, for being with me all the time. i know you didn't sleep well because u were crying. your porridge is much more delicious and you gave me strength when im scared. you were tired, but you kept me company and make sure everything is settled. i never look forward to nighttime because i know you will leave, and i know you know because your eyes told me that you are sorry for me.




dad, your encouraging words gave me courage to face all the tests. you told me all your experiences and made me realize how lucky i am, how grateful i SHOULD be. and i really am. i remember when i was lying, heart panting and in pain.. you kept brushing my hair and touching my cheeks. i felt like i was 8 again.



joezer, you know how well you can handle with my emotions. when i was at my lowest, you were there for me. i was so scared when i thought of the bone marrow test, but you kept telling me to think positively. i was way at the losing end, but you pulled me back. from cries to laughter, frowns to smiles. i know you tried, and you succeeded.i love you.



jeniffer, i never really like you but you were with me every night. you sure know how to take care of me. i'm pretty embarassed though because you saw every part of my body! MALUUU.



kitli, you are still a little baby to me la. you came over for hours that day, but you just talk and entertain me. why didn't feed me food wan? haha. its okay baby. because you are one. when u visited me at my house, i was so weak that i couldn't talk to you. but you understood and left. you looked pretty for prom girl.



siewtheeng and kaichean, thanks for "to cheer you up" baloon and fruits which you went all the way to imbi market to get for me. i was surprised how much a baloon can do to cheer me up. i kept playing with it whenever i couldn't move around. both of you made me laugh.jokers!



kahmun and kahhor, another set of joker couple. thanks for the flowers. they are right behind me now, drying up =( it was nice chitchatting with both of you. i remember you smsed me to warn me to becareful so that i won't knock onto anything if i faint again, that's very thoughtful of you..yet funny. it was just random okay!



neighbour who lives few floors below me, thanks for helping that day. i know im heavy, without you my parents would not be capable of getting me into the car.



ambulance man, thank you for calming me down. that really helped.



nurses at gleneagles, you all are one friendly lot. you all changed my perception towards nurses. i used to think they are mean and nasty, not anymore.



tze may and mom, it was nice to have you guys there because i was so nervous before the procedure!



mr. and mrs chan, you cared so much for me. thanks for telling me your son's experience. at least it gave me an idea of what i was about to expect. both of you came right away when i was admitted again. i know both of you are very concerned, just like how you will be concerned over your children. i'm sorry i can't eat your fruits mrs chan!



wynwyn, my lil brother who is labled as "sek jou yan" by my parents all the time. i know you cared about me although u didn't dare to admit. whenever you come into my room and talk to me, i'd feel much better because you will be telling me all your stories and crappy things which i like to hear.



jerald, why you like to be so random and appear all of a sudden quietly? haha. you didn't speak much, but im surprised that you came. thanks sor lou.



shi xian, another person who gave me a surprise visit. really really happy that you came since you stay so far away. i thought you forgotten about me... =((( thanks girl, i know you cared.



all my mom's friends, thanks for visiting. especially aunty meiling who lighted up candles for me. it must've helped =). thanks for the flowers and your aunty stories, at least i didn't feel that bored.

mrs hoe aka sam director and ms.choo, thanks for visiting and the flowers too! nice stories u have there, mrs hoe.


thanks to those who cared and smsed/called me. muaaah!

dub dub dub

im quite random, so i constantly have random thoughts, which i don't really share with everyone because they'll think im crazy. but here goes..

-i have this thing called SMS-QUOTA. my brain doesn't allow me to send more than a certain amount of sms per day, so tat explains my late reply sometimes. if i send too many sms(as in 7-10) i will feel suffocated and tired. haih.

-i think i've been consuming SOOOOOOOOO and SOOOOOOOO much sugary food for the past few years and im finally sick of SUGARY food even chocolates. bad thing? yes, how am i gonna enjoy my desserts har? i actually rejected dessert twice~! i wasn't even tempted to eat the chocolate joe offered which jiajun bought.

-skinny jeans are addictive. i was disappointed when i realize topshop @ MV doesn't have my size. um, *RUNS TO KLCC!!* i tink lagi don't have. "skinny jeans are for skinny people", who cares!

-having migranes for the 1st time in my life. it sucks,it really does..i can feel like there's this techno music my brains are dancing to..throb throb.

-why some people (ie. high school kids who are having holidays SOON) like to crazy highlight their hair ? like..multiple colors or some weirdo color. very ugly lor.

very semangat picture of the L1 species.

i used to think...

some many weeks ago, college ended for me, classmates n fellow SAM-ians. i thought myclassmates were joking about each of us giving closing speeches but each of us gave one in the end. im glad everyone did. very emotional period...tears flowing down, hugs and all.

fastfwd: now im having my samFINALS.and im really taking it lightly. i admit, im just being lazy and assume that everything will go OKAY. as usual..haiyo. how? all the "what if(s)"..


and jay's latest album,,,,,, RULES. hah! he must've INSAF from last yr's crappy album.tat's why. and im a HAPPY HAPPY girl now. =))) dear mr.chou, can you please please please come to malaysia again for an autograph session? i still remember 2 yrs ago, when he came..i went for his autograph session at 1U. so, kit and i queued and queued.finally, when it was my turn, jay signed for me la of cus~~^^v but he didn't look up, so i just stand there until he looked up at me. fuh! he must be thinking "sigh..poor desperate girl..since she stand there waiting for so long, oklah! i'll look at her lah!" can't be helped.. =P


i was doing my sort of annual copying of pics into my CD and i browsed throught my old pictures. i think i changed alot leh. i think it's because of my braces. thank god for the braces! i stil remember kimhai used to say that i have this..."sai kua pao"?? i don;t really know what it means, but i noe it's something about the teeth growing outwards. im so gonna flash my teeth at him next time man. =DDDDD okay, some old pics which i dug out>>

penang-our after post spm trip

hmm, why 7-11 ah? becus that's the only few shops which were open

mlynn yum wif her creative headgears

i thought i didn know engyao till this year??

the tougue out pose =P i think i look like a retard lah.. and who says tongue out pose are cute??

another post spm trip to spore. vivo city sounds so canggih..but of course, not that canggih also la, ceh.

2 years back. when i used to be thinner. and joe used to be thinner.

3 yrs ago, pure white and innocent.ahem.

the famous JUMP..tat smashpop guy must've been jumping since he was a baby to get perfect JUMP! pictures all the time

no monday blues.

yesterday, i told 2 people about you, lil blogg. *pats on the back for being brave*

today, i went into a juicy couture store@ pavillion! no doubt, everything looks yummy. i want! we saw this young married couple, why married? cus she's pregs la. so i guess. they went out of the store with this hugee JC bag. then i jealous, like darn jealous. how can?? can i have a JC bag too pleese?? pretty pleese?pleasse? it's too bad i didn't get to take any pictures of that cute store. i am not those who bring their camera everywhere they go and snap at every single thing. and of course, i walk out empty handed lor, because JC's goods are never cheap. wait la, i'll come back for you!!!

tomorrow, i will be back in college. you love college? i hate college.

***

in my older blogg. post, i mentioned about keeping in touch with friends. i think my friends don't really bother to keep in touch with me, hence, the never keep in touch attitude among us. perhaps, we are all too busy and caught up with assignments and such. or they are just lazy, like ME.

it's true when my friend once said that there's alot of weird/unexpected people in college. why? because i met a few. again, there's a lot of people in college, compared to the tiny puny amount in my ex-schul. so the probability of having weird people is higher. it's okay to be weird, just don't annoy the hell out of other people.

unproductive, so i need more secondary oocytes to be > productive?

so, another sunday is about to pass without doing any productive. so typical, typical typical. somehow, i wish the word productive wouldnt be defined as doing revision and writing 10 essays a day like a 'kiasu'. im beginning to like that word, kiasu! you, you and you! all 'kiasu's. i hope productive would be, doing some creative work, doing something you have interest in, something different, something which will add another footstep to achieve your dreams. i don't think i've done any of those, how i wish i could.

ahah! actually i did, i made cold soba noodles.-.- *clapclap* it's darn easy. but if i say,"oh, i produced soba noodle using raw buckwheat" then it'll be a totally different thing. what i did is just like cooking instant noodles la. dump noodle into hotwater, drain it, put ice and into refridgerator and take out + pour soba sauce on separate bowl. tada, done. and that's my soba noodle :

***

i realize that i've been eating cakes/cupcakes everyday since DUNNO when. why is this happening? why do i sound like an anorexic-too afraid to touch food-obsessed-18yr old girl? because of corroboree lor. i bet everyone is doing the same thing, corroboree loh! so i passed by D'lish and i saw their gorgeous cupcake 20m away. and so i bought...

***

and i admit, i watched "i wanna be a model" on 8tv, but just for like 5 minutes because i CANNOT tahan. simply, can't. during that 5 minutes, these are the things which appeared in mind:

-why they keep complaining this and that? hello, you are a model, stop complaining la. aiyo.so unpro k? eesh.

-uh, why is that female model rubbing that male model's shoulder? i have ntg against that, but i just find it weird for her to do that as if she is his wife or something.

-why are they not wearing swim wear in a swimming pool? okay, but still, they are models, so take this opportunity to show their assets, or tyres. hah. and why are they learning how to float? hmm.

-i hate the hosts. so boring.

walala, it's just not up to my standard, i think everyone's standard la.

***

that week, we got our winangali aka the year book. must be derived from some aboriginal word. i like what one of my friend said, " this is like, the encyclopedia of all the girls in SAM!" . very true indeed. i used to study with only 150+ ppl in one form. practically, everyone knew everyone. now, i don't even know who studies in SAM. so many, and so jumbled up. and during those few days, we've been passing the yearbook around and signing here and there, writing msges. i don't think i've ever done that. finally. i've yet to read those msges yet, i promise myself to read it after SAM. then, it'll be more meaning, to me it will. can't wait!!

and i wanna critisize something again, why is the cover of the winangali so uninspiring, ugly, dull, boring, lifeless ( and put in any word which has a similar meaning to ugly) ? i just wish emmalynn would create a new cover for me. i think miss SS could do better than what we have now.

sunday afternoon, still in my PJs

i dont know how to keep in touch. ok, let me rephrase, i don't like to keep in touch, simply because im LAZY. don't you hate tat word? and because i don't keep in touch...fine.

had a fantastic day out with joe on friday.went to midvalley and we were starving. it's very funny, whenever im in MV's carpark. i just don't know how to put it in words. im bad at this. anywaysh, we went to eat..in one of his fav place cus he thinks there's "privacy". thenn, a movie. resident evil. when we were at the ticket booth..

"haha, why? don't dare to watch is it? scared?"
some guy turned back and looked at joe
"NO!!" joe tryin to maintain his dignity. HAHA
"yeah rite!"

at the cinema..
"so gan cheong lah!!..><>
i jumped a few times whenever the zombie appeared.
"HAHAHHAHA"

after the movie...
"hahahahahah, wonder who's afraid just now..."
"girls are like that wat, like tat only nice waaat."

and, we walk walk walk..i refused to leave tat place without getting something and we were rushing, already late for foo's hs. im like that. many girs are like tat. so, i got this earing for sevenbucks from Diva. at the shop..

"eh, seven bucks only! should i get it? it's quite nice hor? but i think it's a bit too long..how??"
he brought the earing near my ear and i looked into the mirror.
"hmm..ok wat. nice. get it lah"
hesistated a bit.
"OKLAH!"
paid happily and headed towards the carpark...manatahu he suddenly said..

"i think the earings you bought is not worth it lor."
"what?? i thought u were the one who asked me to buy it..-.-"
"i think you can get the earring for 1 or 2 bucks.. so plastic and they used those cheap materials"
"eh..wat 1 or 2 bucks?? it's good ok!. you guys don't understand want la..you all think everything is 1 or 2 bucks..=/ "

guys hor. they are just too simple. can be good tho. =) i'll post the picture of the earrring one day.if i remember.

and so, my 15 yr old brother got his ears pierced after his pmr. i only noticed it when the family was walking in Pavillion and i suddenly screamed at him. my mom was freaked out CUS I SCREAMED. she said, "oh..the earring isit..". when my dad knew, he just laughed and said," eh, the school allow meh?". but it doesn't look nice on him. ugh. although i fancy guys with piercings. but it just doesn suit my bro. maybe not yet.

i think i've become a donut addict. i already ate 4 J.co Donuts. i can see my arms getting flabbier and tummy gettin bigger upon each bite. since when did i became so obsessed with what i eat? i'd say, blame it on college. hah. i gotta look good on prom. o yeah! I SOUND like a bimbo. eesh. not me at all. hope no one will read this amateur bimbotic post.

between secondary school and university

after reading it rather slowly and carefully, word by word, i finally finished norweigian wood. beautiful and simple book. im still stuck in that "zone". i don't know whether i like/hate that feeling. like it because, it proves to be a good book and it transported me into the book. hate it because, im left feeling kind of depressed and having all these weird thoughts in my head.

it took me some time to sign in and actually write. i hesitated a few times. whether to write or not. see? im scared to express myself too openly. finally, here i am. glad that i made the right move. or should i say, a move which made me feel better.

my collegemates and i came to realize that we are left with few more weeks of college. or less. my college life is such a short one, really short. and i didnt find anything special about it nor did i have the mood to cherish the last few weeks of college days. cherish, like the way my classmate put it, on the 2nd or 3rd day of college.

however, some part of me just want to record this down and remind myself. what if one day, my kid ask me, how was college like? or if i am old and retired, i will ask myself "hey, what did i even do in college? " because, i would say, my college life is THAT forgettable. sure, there are some good friends and gossips and laughters and 'going outs' here and there. perhaps, this is not MY year.


5.55 : alarm rings
6.15 : jennifer wakes me up. just in case
6.50 : off to college. mr.chan will be there with tian and yee shiang. im always late. it's a habit i
get rid of.sleep sleep sleep. observe observe observe
7.35: reach college. up to the class and do whatever i want. usually i will be very quiet and just
stare at a blank space. or just daydream.
8.00 : class starts. slowly, i'll "gain conciousness" and start talking. usually, the first person i talk
would be shi xian. nice girl. i like her, she's very genuine.
12.00 : Lunch. i like lunch time. unlike school days, college allows us to choose to eat out. instead
eating those non edible food@ the canteen at school. usually, lunch is at asia cafe, or AC
as how we like to call it, when we are just feeling lazy, down, or having an common test/
exam after that. if not, we'll go somewhere else.
1.00 : we'll walk lazily back to class. start work again. yawn
3.00 : class dismissed and tiredly walk into the car.

it is the same almost everyday.it bores me sometimes.

just a brief report on hw my college life sounds like. this is what i meant by, it is not my year.

and gudbye blogspot.com. might and might not be back again. but i think i'll be back soon! im starting to get used to this. shh, it's just between you and me. not anyone else yet, i am not ready! just between blogspot.com and me.

today, i thought of many things

i've got this sudden urge to express my feelings. how? i hate talking to anyone,anybody.right now. in fact, i've been like this for some time. no idea why and i hope i won't be like this forever. i see one my close friend online, but i didnt even bother to double click on tat name and chat with her. I just do not have the will and mood to do such a simple thing. i lead a terrible life at the moment. i think i like to be alone. damn.

1. i just saw a picture of a girl featured in style arena.she resembles alot like my EX-beautician and i thought she moved to japan. i almost shivered when i saw that picture. my beautician scares me and the last time i saw her, we were not on good terms. full stop and the end.

2. i read a book by murakami. norweigian wood. it can totally relate to the book. but i experience a really weird feeling after reading it. wonder why. is it because i think im like naoko? i think so. i like books like these, those that leaves me thinking alot.of random things.

3.realized that i've been thinking too much for every single thing to do. when i was little, it never occured to me that i would have to think so much before talking to a person even. i wish i was 10 again. innocent and naive. or maybe 12. that year was good too. back then, i could and ABLE to express and say whatever that came to my mind to my FRIENDS. right now, i just couldn't do it. there's a barrier. somehow. and im worried the barrier will get stronger and stronger each year.

4. i am so scared that, joe and i will be separated one day. we sort of "grew" up together. i spent my entire secondary school life with him. during that duration, i had something to fall on, someting to hold on to, like a pillar when i face difficulties. i am afraid that, once we are no longer together, i won't be able to face people normally and live life normally. im too dependent i would say. it's always HIM to talk to.about my problems.everything. perhaps tat's why i never bothered sharing my feelings with my friends.

5. will i ever come back here and write another post? because this is just too sudden. i might even forget that i have a BLOGSPOT.com the following day. we'll see. =) at the moment, i don't think i will tell anyone about this. i have become way too much of a private person as i got older. hopefully, i will be able to open up more through this way. i hope.